🤠 Oracle Patches 481 Holes, Google's Code is 75% AI, and DeepSeek Drops a 1.6T Monster

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Weekly IT Roundup 🤠

Oracle patched 481 holes, Google admitted 75% of its code is AI-generated, and DeepSeek dropped a 1.6-trillion-parameter beast. Buckle up.

GM IT pros!

Happy Sunday! The week refused to stop being chaotic even after Friday's roundup, so here's a bonus edition to catch you up before Monday hits. Oracle dropped a monster patch dump, Google casually revealed that humans barely write code there anymore, and DeepSeek reminded everyone that the AI arms race has no chill. Grab your coffee (or something stronger). Here's the roundup.

-Stetson

Tech News TL;DR

This week's IT and tech news in 5-minutes-ish or less

🔒 CYBER-SECURITY NIGHTMARES

Because sleep is overrated anyway...

🛡️ Oracle Drops 481 Security Patches in April CPU
Oracle's April Critical Patch Update includes 481 new fixes, with over 300 addressing remotely exploitable vulns that don't even need authentication. If you run Oracle anything, your weekend plans just changed. Read more

🏨 Booking.com Breach Fuels Global Scam Wave
Hackers hit Booking.com's hotel partner network and scraped guest names, emails, phone numbers, and booking details from 170+ properties. Now scammers are running "reservation hijacking" attacks using the stolen data. Storm-1865 apparently automated the whole thing with Python scripts, because of course they did. Read more

⚡ LMDeploy SSRF Exploited 13 Hours After Disclosure
A high-severity SSRF vulnerability in LMDeploy, the open-source LLM deployment toolkit, went from public disclosure to active exploitation in under 13 hours. CVE-2026-33626 scored a 7.5 CVSS. If you're running LMDeploy in production, patch it yesterday. Read more

🚨 CISA Adds SimpleHelp, Samsung, D-Link to Exploited Vulns List
CISA slapped four new vulnerabilities onto its Known Exploited Vulnerabilities catalog — hitting SimpleHelp, Samsung MagicINFO 9 Server, and D-Link DIR-823X routers. Active exploitation confirmed. Check your asset inventory or explain to auditors why you didn't. Read more

🏥 Former FBI Cyber Chief Wants Ransomware Attackers Labeled Terrorists
A former FBI deputy assistant director told Congress that ransomware groups targeting hospitals should get terrorism designations — and that prosecutors should explore felony murder charges when patients die from attacks. Brockton Hospital is still recovering from an April 6 ransomware hit that sent cancer patients home mid-treatment. Read more

☁️ CLOUD CHAOS

Where your data goes to party without you

🌩️ Google Cloud Next 2026: Agents, TPUs, and a 10 TB/s Storage Flex
Google went all-in at Cloud Next with the Gemini Enterprise Agent Platform, two new 8th-gen TPUs, the Virgo Network for connecting massive supercomputers, and Managed Lustre storage pushing 10 terabytes per second. Also introduced Cross-Cloud Lakehouse — query your AWS data from GCP with zero friction. Multi-cloud just got interesting. Read more

🔄 Broadcom Enters "Second Phase" of VMware Consolidation
Broadcom says the first phase of gutting and rebuilding VMware is done, and now it's time for "acceleration." VCF adoption is reportedly ramping up. Meanwhile, Nutanix is positioning itself as the AI platform alternative, not just the VMware escape hatch. The great VMware migration saga continues. Read more

💥 Windows Server DCs Still Bricking After Patch Tuesday
If you missed it Friday: April's Patch Tuesday is causing LSASS crashes and restart loops on domain controllers using Privileged Access Management. Microsoft pushed out-of-band fixes (KB5091575/KB5091157), but if you haven't applied them yet, maybe don't reboot anything until you do. Read more

☁️ Cloud Market Headed to $3.46 Trillion by 2035
New projections put the US cloud computing market at $523 billion in 2025, on track to hit $3.46 trillion by 2035. AI workloads and hybrid cloud are the main growth drivers. Your cloud budget is only going up. Read more

🏢 BUSINESS SHENANIGANS

Corporate chaos you need to know about

📉 96,000+ Tech Workers Laid Off in 2026 — Half Blamed on AI
The layoff tracker hit 100K+ workers across 155 events this year. That's roughly 873 jobs lost per day. Nearly 48% of cuts are directly attributed to AI and automation replacing human roles. The "AI will create more jobs than it destroys" crowd is getting quieter. Read more

🦄 Anthropic Hits $1 Trillion, Overtakes OpenAI
Anthropic's secondary market valuation surged to $1 trillion — nearly tripling from $380 billion just three months ago. Revenue jumped from $9B to $30B in a single quarter. They've passed OpenAI ($880B) on private markets. An IPO at $400-500B is reportedly being explored. Absolutely wild. Read more

👻 Snap Cuts 16% of Workforce (~1,000 Jobs)
Snap announced it's laying off about 1,000 people — 16% of its workforce. Add it to the pile. Read more

🚗 Tesla Triples CapEx to $25 Billion for Robots and Robotaxis
Tesla is spending $25 billion this year — nearly triple last year's $8.5B — on self-driving tech, Optimus humanoid robots, and robotaxi infrastructure. Investors responded by dumping shares 3%. Nothing says confidence like tripling your bet on technology that doesn't work yet. Read more

🚜 John Deere May Owe $99 Million in Right-to-Repair Settlement
A landmark right-to-repair case could force John Deere to pay out $99 million. If you've ever wanted to fix your own equipment without the manufacturer calling it a federal crime, this one's for you. Read more

🤖 AI TAKING OVER

Our future robot overlords are getting smarter

💻 Google: 75% of New Code is Now AI-Generated
At Cloud Next, Google casually dropped that three-quarters of all new code at the company is now written by AI and reviewed by humans. That's up from 50% last fall and 25% in late 2024. Engineers are becoming code reviewers. Update your LinkedIn titles accordingly. Read more

🐉 DeepSeek V4 Drops With 1.6 Trillion Parameters
China's DeepSeek released V4 Pro — a 1.6 trillion parameter open-weight model (49B active) that claims to beat GPT-5.2 and Gemini 3.0 Pro on some benchmarks. It still trails frontier models by about 3-6 months on knowledge tests, but for an open-source release, this is massive. Read more

⚖️ Connecticut Passes Sweeping AI Regulation Bill
CT legislators voted 32-4 for Senate Bill 5, which regulates frontier AI model developers, creates a state AI "sandbox," and adds new rules around youth social media and AI chatbot use. The regulatory patchwork grows. Read more

🧠 AI Godfather Tells UN: Hit the Brakes
Geoffrey Hinton, the Nobel laureate who helped build modern AI, told the UN's Digital World Conference that rapid AI advances need much more careful guidance. When the guy who invented the thing says slow down, maybe we should listen. Read more

🔧 MISC TECH MADNESS

The weird stuff that doesn't fit anywhere else

🤖 Robots Beat Humans at Beijing Half-Marathon
Robotic entrants finished the Beijing half-marathon faster than any human competitor. We've officially entered the "robots are better at running than us" era. At least they can't complain about IT support yet. Read more

🪟 Microsoft Kills Cross-Signed Kernel Driver Trust
Starting with the April 2026 update, Windows 11 and Server 2025 will no longer trust kernel drivers signed by the deprecated cross-signed root program. Only WHCP-signed drivers get loaded by default now. If you have legacy drivers in your fleet, test before deploying. Read more

The World's Biggest Dev Event Hits Silicon Valley

WeAreDevelopers World Congress comes to San José, CA — September 23–25, 2026. 10,000+ developers, 500+ speakers, and the full software development lifecycle under one roof, in the heart of Silicon Valley.

Kelsey Hightower. Thomas Dohmke (fmr. CEO, GitHub). Christine Yen (CEO, Honeycomb). Mathias Biilmann (CEO, Netlify). Olivier Pomel (CEO, Datadog). The people actually building the tools you use every day — all on one stage.

AI, cloud, DevOps, security, architecture, and everything real builders ship with. Workshops, masterclasses, and the official congress party.

Tickets from $599. Use code GITPUSH26 for 10% off.

Secure Your Pass

🐧 Shameless Plug: Learn Linux the Hard Way (the Fun Way)
If you want to actually get good at Linux instead of just Googling commands and praying, check out Shell Samurai. Hands-on lessons, real terminal practice, zero fluff. Built by yours truly because I got tired of watching people sudo rm -rf their careers. Try it free

That's a wrap on this week's bonus Sunday edition. May your Monday morning be gentle, your tickets be few, and your domain controllers be upright.

Stay paranoid. Stay patched. See you next Friday 🤠